What is this contest about? Have you ever read a sex scene that was so awful, you were laughing on the floor? If your answer is yes, do you think you can write one that’s worse? We mean better. No, that’s not right. Cheesier. Funnier. That’s it!
So without further ado, behold our first entry. To vote for this entry, please leave a comment on this blog post.
Reader Discretion Advised. Please read on if you dare.
Sex Scene: “Grr, come to your Captain.”
By Lady Moist-Petals
“Grr, come to your Captain.” Ulysses snorted through his nose and revved his foot on the ground, clawing his fingers through the air. His naked body glistened with the sweat of his desire.
From her spot on the bed in his Captain’s suite, Fiona could barely contain herself. Her breath hastened and she flushed a deep red, as she watched Ulysses’s muscles flex, his gold tooth reflecting the light of the candles. “Oh, yes,” she moaned. “Take me. Take me now!”
Fiona’s breasts heaved in her flimsy dress, as she put the back of her hand to her head, her long, raven locks flowing over her pale white shoulders.
The ship rocked back and forth on the Atlantic, but the rhythm of the movement just made her want him more. Even though he’d kidnapped her for ransom from her father, the King, she couldn’t control the heat caused by the sight of Ulysses, the richest, most powerful and well-built pirate she’d ever come across. His long dark hair matched the curls on his chest and his back, and when he growled at her, she couldn’t deny the fire burning between her legs. He was all man. All pirate. And at the moment, he was all hers.
She moved her hand over her breast, feeling her flesh hard against the silky material. “Now, Ulysses. Take me as your woman.”
He pounced on her, ripping the bodice of her thin gown. She moaned his name in response.
“I never knew when I kidnapped you, that you’d be the actual treasure. Your breasts are mounds of delight between my lips.” He took her straining nipple into his mouth. His erect manhood pressed against her thigh. “I don’t want your father to pay your ransom. I want to keep you forever.”
She tangled her hands in his hair as he suckled her. “Oh Uly, you’re so romantic!”
“I must have you now, Fi-fi.” He pulled up her skirt, reaching underneath.
She panted as his fingers found the soft, wet flesh that throbbed for him. “Make me yours!”
Ulysses pulled away, looking down at her, splayed out for his enjoyment. He showed her his strength and desire by ripping her clothes off of her body. He didn’t care that she had nothing else to wear. He planned on keeping her naked in his bed the entire journey across the sea, anyway.
Fiona whimpered when she was finally free of her clothes. Her large breasts stood at full attention, begging to be ravished, her long hair fanned over the bed under her.
Her gaze traveled the length of his body. “You’re so strong, and … ,” she gulped when her eyes landed on between his legs, “large.”
“Of course I am.” He grabbed his swollen manhood and stroked it toward her. “I am going to fill you up, and make you mine.”
“Ah..h…h,” Fiona stuttered. She lifted her hips off the bed. “Explore me, Captain!”
He lowered himself between her milky thighs and plunged his member into her, pleased with himself when she screamed in delight. “Your love hole is my true pleasure, Fiona.”
He gyrated in and out of her, as she moaned with each thrust.
He stopped moving and his eyes pooled with tears. “Precious you! I will be your only lover, ever!” He buried his face between her breasts.
“Y..yes,” she stuttered, her thighs shaking around him, as she pressed his face into her breasts.
Ulysses lifted his head, then watched his lover as he entered her again. Her green eyes fluttered under her long lashes. “Do you like how I feel inside of you?” He knew the answer, but wanted to hear her say it.
“Very much, Uly.” She grinded underneath him. “Please don’t stop.”
With another growl, he gyrated into her, giving her the satisfaction she craved. “Your body gives me such pleasure.”
“Yes, the pleasure…What is this … feeling… like I’m climbing a mountain but with my lady parts?”
He puffed out his chest at her innocence. “You’re going to lose your mind when you reach the peak, young Fi-fi.” He thrust into her again, not sure how long he could hold out. “Now! Reach the peak! I demand you.”
“Ohhhh,” she moaned. She loved when Uly bossed her around. She moved her hips against his, not sure how she knew what to do, but letting her love for her manly captor take over her body. Then, overcome by trembles, she screamed, “I’ve reached the peak and I am your woman now!”
With one last groan, Ulysses pulled Fiona’s hips into his, and emptied his magical juice into her, claiming her as his own. After, he rolled off of her and stretched on his back, satisfied and spent.
Fiona curled her body around his, her bare breasts pressing against him. “I am yours, forever.”
He grinned, looking down at his new woman. “You have satisfied me, Fiona. I shall keep you with me, the King and his ransom money be Damned.”
She burst into tears. “Oh, Uly! I love you so much.”
Ulysses patted her bare shoulder. “There, there. Of course you do.”
He held her as she cried tears of joy, as the rocking of the boat lulled them into a peaceful sleep.