What is this contest about? Have you ever read a sex scene that was so awful, you were laughing on the floor? If your answer is yes, do you think you can write one that’s worse? We mean better. No, that’s not right. Cheesier. Funnier. That’s it!
So without further ado, behold our fifth entry. To vote for this entry, please leave a comment on this blog post.
Reader Discretion Advised. Please read on if you dare.
Excerpt from “Lab Animal Number 9”
by Joyce Frohn
Jay-Jay bent his head so he could look up at her, while keeping his arms wrapped around her thumb. “Didn’t you notice your computer time logs or did you just figure that one of the students was logging on to ‘interesting’ sites? Here’s another proverb for you, ‘What is sauce for the goose, is sauce for the gander.’ That means that if Drakken can get aroused watching humans have sex, it can go the other way, too.” He pressed his naked body against her thumb feeling her scaly skin push inward with every thrust of his hips. His penis hardened as he thought about what was to come.
Shokomish smiled down at him. “You didn’t say what your second request was.”
“You could keep me company. I’m lonely.”
“So, you want me to take human form-“
“No, you’re Drakken. I don’t want you to disguise yourself. You could keep your shape and only shift your size.” He nibbled a bit of her skin and massaged the claw bed of her thumb with both hands.
“It’s never done but-” She took off her lab coat and rested both arms on the lab bench. Her body glowed, and she began to shrink.
Jay-Jay had his legs braced as she shifted. He grabbed her arm as she shrunk and pulled her up. “You would have had a bad fall. Next time, sit on the lab bench.” He stepped back and looked at her for a moment before wrapping his arms around her, feeling her vestigial wings under her lab coat. “You’re my size now.” He ran his tongue down her facial scales while his fingers stroked her vibrissae. Her pupils widened so much that they were almost round.
“What’s sauce for the goose,” Shokomish said. One fork of her tongue went into his ear as the other fork stroked his earlobe. Her cloaca widened and lubricated. She took off the lab coat and laid in on the counter
Jay-Jay led her toward the cage holding her arm. “Welcome to my house. We’ll have a good time tonight. I’ve got lots of ideas about what you can do with that tail.” The fingers of his other hand ran along the small spines on her back.
She trilled for a moment, as he swung open the cage door. Then she paused, “But are we compatible? Will you fit?” She ran tiny but still needle sharp claws down his back.
He trembled. And smiled at her. “Of course.” He stroked his upright penis. “I measured myself against your favorite vibrartor.” He giggled a bit. “The one you wrote such a good review for. You might want to delete some of your history.” Now her forked tongue moved down to stroke both his nipples. He shut the door of the laboratory cage behind them and pulled the dark curtain over the cage door.
It was several hours before Shokomish fell asleep from exhaustion. Jay-Jay tore batting from the flooring and slid it under her head. He hoped she wouldn’t regain her right size in her sleep. If she did, he’d lose the best home he’d ever had.